So after fighting the extras from The Walking Dead, we decided to go downstairs into the darkness (smart). Downstairs, there's a room with some rejected treasure. Apparently, the bone knife was not good enough for the cult. Around the corner from the reject treasure room, there was a little pool of water and a door leading to a room with even more water. In the middle of the water, there was a nice little island. For whatever reason, my little dire wolf friend (she's little because I am so tall) Rolen decided to jump onto the panel/island thing in the middle of the room. Of course because this is the Death House™, instead of just letting us have a second of peace and quiet, more stupid ghosts show up. They're staring at Rolen chanting about death and we just decide to ignore them because this house sucks and we just want to leave. Mara jumps onto the island thing with Rolen and nothing changes. So Rolen decides to jump off the panel and follow the weird rotting salad smell all the way to the giant lettuce monster, who is asleep. Because we are So Done with everything, we just figure, hey let's bribe this thing. Rolen gives it some jerky, hoping that Swamp-Thing's weird cult obsessed uncle isn't a vegetarian. The thing doesn't wake up, so we decide to just leave it alone. Then, I notice Mara stepping off the platform and I warn her that it's probably a stupid thing to do. Nobody ever listens to me, so of course Mara steps off the platform and awakens the veggie monster. We attack the thing a few times but we don't seem to be getting anywhere. So Thokk decides to lure it into the water and electroshock it. It sounds like a great idea but because this house is the actual worst, the electricity actually heals the monster. After what seems like forever fighting this stupid thing, it finally dies and we make our way back up the trap door into the first floor of this stupid house. We then realize that the house is trying to keep us in by blocking the door with swords. Joke's on the house because we're all master gymnasts (except Thokk, sorry man). We get through the swords alive and finally escape the house for good. However, we find ourselves in a small town where everything just seems shady and wrong.
For whatever dumb reason, the second we get into town, everyone wants to go right into the tavern that has "blood" in its name and take a nap. I talk everyone out of doing that because why… would we do that. I say that we should look around the town first and see what our other options are. Finally, everyone listens to me. We decide to stick together and take a stroll around the town. All of the townspeople look miserable and scared of us, which is odd, considering we just look like a bunch of circus freaks. We come across one weird lady who is rolling around a cart. She stops at a house and two parents answer the door. They give their little kid to her, and she shoves him in a bag. Obviously, that freaked us out so Rolen decides to question the parents. The parents just explain it away by saying they owed her a debt and they sit there and eat their pastry. We decide to follow the old lady, and she is shady as hell. She has meat pies with her and can't really give us a straight answer on anything. I tried to steal something off her, but she caught me. We let her go after I tried to get more info on the town from her and she didn't really have much to give. Then, we decide to walk around the town more until we got to the convenience store we saw earlier. We went inside, and the others spoke to the clerk. I tried to find something worthy to steal but there really wasn't anything we even needed. The clerk told us to go bother the Vistani at the blood tavern place, and then he kicked us out of his store by using his nephew to do his dirty work for him. Oh, he also tells us the weird old lady's pies are spiked with drugs that make people in the town all loony. Great.
At the blood whatever tavern, we approach the Vistani women and ask them for information about why we were dragged to this stupid town. They tell us we have to ask the magic Vistani lady who is a carriage ride away. Because I'm tired and annoyed, I ask if they serve food or coffee or anything but wine and they say no. I sigh and we sit at a table. The others drink their wine while I sulk in my chair because this really hasn't gotten any better since we left the murder house. We're then approached by some dudes who want us to help them because apparently we're Heroes For Hire now. One of the guys tells us that his sister needs to leave the village because this guy who is The Worst™ has a crush on her (we all know that feeling). Apparently, his crush thing is bad for everyone so she needs to leave ASAP. They offer us gold and the help of this dude named Rask. He seems alright and like he could be useful. We say that we need to go visit the Vistani camp first and then we will help them in the morning. Rask decides to tag along on our journey to the camp. Not sure why, but we like him so we don't ask.
At the camp, the old Vistani woman we were told about offers to tell us our fortunes. Because we have nothing better to do, we let her tell us. We're all given very vague fortunes. Mine had something to do with a wounded handsome elf guy. I've had a string of bad luck since I met these guys, so I hope this elf is worth my time (aka I hope he looks like Lee Pace nudge nudge).
Anyway, that's all I have. My memory isn't so great so someone else probably has a better side of the story than I do. I tried.
I demand at least 5 gold for this quality storytelling.
Madam Eva's Card Reading
This card tells of history. Knowledge of the ancient will help you better understand your enemy. Find the Mad Dog's crypt. The treasure lies within, beneath the blackened bones.
This card tells of a powerful force for good and protection, a holy symbol of great hope. A wounded elf has what you seek. He will part with the treasure to see his dark dreams fulfilled.
This is a card of power and strength. It tells of a weapon of vengeance: a sword of sunlight. Look for a wizard's tower on a lake. Let the wizard's name and servant guide you to what you seek.
This card sheds light on one who will help you greatly in the battle against darkness. Seek out the brother of the devil's bride. They call him "the lesser" but he is a powerful soul.
Your enemy is a creature of darkness, whose powers are beyond mortality. This card will lead you to him. Look to the father's tomb.